3/31/2013
2/24/2012
Whole Being Communication
Most communication problems start because at least one of the people involved in the
communication exchange is not actively listening to the other.
If you want to improve your professional and personal communication, a very clever idea is to learn ways to do it efficiently and in a positive manner. You will notice a great change in the way you relate with colleagues, students, parents and people in general.
Laura Szmuch
communication exchange is not actively listening to the other.
By listening, we dont only mean listening to the words...we are also referring to all the non-verbal aspects
of communication.
What happens to many people is that instead of focussing on the other person’s message
they are planning in their head what they are going to say next...and they drift away in thought. Sadly, this leaves the communication exchange with two people speaking about something, but not really relating with each other.
Listening with all your being is a valuable communication skill.
of communication.
What happens to many people is that instead of focussing on the other person’s message
they are planning in their head what they are going to say next...and they drift away in thought. Sadly, this leaves the communication exchange with two people speaking about something, but not really relating with each other.
Listening with all your being is a valuable communication skill.
Simply remember a time when you felt that a person wasn't really listening to you, to understand the importance of listening.
If you want to improve your professional and personal communication, a very clever idea is to learn ways to do it efficiently and in a positive manner. You will notice a great change in the way you relate with colleagues, students, parents and people in general.
Laura Szmuch
5/30/2011
Non-Violent Communication- A Language of Compassion
A Language of Compassion (Comunicación no violenta- Un lenguaje de vida, Gran Aldea Editores) by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD. NVC is both a technique and a philosophy.
“NVC is founded on language and communication skills that strengthen our ability to remain human, even under trying conditions. It contains nothing new; all that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries. The intent is to remind us about what we already know—about how we humans were meant to relate to one another—and to assist us in living in a way that concretely manifests this knowledge.
NVC guides us in reframing how we express ourselves and hear others. Instead of being habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based firmly on an awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling, and wanting. We are led to express ourselves with honesty and clarity, while simultaneously paying others a respectful and empathic attention. In any exchange, we come to hear our own deeper needs and those of others. NVC trains us to observe carefully, and to be able to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us. We learn to identify and clearly articulate what we are concretely wanting in a given situation. The form is simple, yet powerfully transformative.”
Marshall Rosenberg has spent his life trying to answer these two questions:
What happens to disconnect us from our compassionate nature, leading us to behave violently and exploitatively?
And conversely, what allows some people to stay connected to their compassionate nature under even the most trying circumstances?
I (Laura) found Chapter 6 particularly interesting, where he skillfully delves into the difference between “asking” and “demanding”. He says that when we ask we know and accept beforehand that the other has the right to say “no”. When we demand, we tell the other person that something, possibly originated by us, will happen if they don’t do what we want.
He considers that if we aim at a smooth communication process, when we are going to ask for something a very good idea is to go inside first and check if in our internal dialogue we have,for example, something of the following:
He should .....(leave everything cleaner).
I deserve... (a pay rise).
I have the right... (to more time to rest).
When our needs are formulated in this way, if the others don’t do what we expect them to do in the way we expect them to do it, we tend to start to judge them negatively. This is a very clear indication that we have not formulated a request, but a strong demand. The way we express and share our needs will have a strong influence on the sort of response we will get from the other person. Consequently, he advises us to pay attention to the way we word our requests, the tone of voice we use, and the respect towards the decision of the other person to say “yes” or “no”.
Another interesting point he makes in Chapter 10 is about the source of anger. He considers that when we get angry it is never because of the situation or the person we claim has made us so angry. The situation or someone else’s behaviour can stimulate the anger, but not cause it. The only two things, according to the author, that cause anger or even rage are our own beliefs about how other people should behave and our internal judgements of those behaviours.
The great danger of unresolved anger is that the angry or enraged person tends to blame the person he is angry with, and in many cases, punish them in different ways: psychological or even physical aggression. A totally unfair situation that leads to so much war, violence and unhappiness in the world.
He adds that a form of communication which alienates us is, precisely, when we judge other people “morally”. We presuppose a wrong attitude from the other person when his behaviour does not agree, at least apparently, with our own personal values. The great problem arises when we start to judge people and situations from a very limited point of view. Sometimes with lack of information or even wrong information.
Another superb chapter is number 3, in which he describes the importance of observing what is happening without evaluating from our own set of beliefs and values. When we confuse both concepts, our comments may lead other people to feel we are critisising them, therefore, they will tend to resist us or what we are telling them. It is not the same to say: “Hank has not scored any goals”, which would be a comment derived from observation, than to say, “He plays badly” or “He is a bad football player”, which would represent an act of judgement.
The philosophy and ideas in this book can be used to improve communication in:
intimate relationships
families
schools
organizations and institutions
therapy and counseling
diplomatic and business negotiations
disputes and conflicts of any nature.
I strongly recommend it to all those RTNews readers and RT students who want to “clean the communication space” in their work environments, at home or any other groups of people they operate in. The insights they will get as they read it will surely make their lives and the lives of those around them a much more pleasant experience. A book not only to be read....but shared and put into practice.
For further information about NVC, visit
http://www.cnvargentina.com.ar/
LauraSzmuch
“NVC is founded on language and communication skills that strengthen our ability to remain human, even under trying conditions. It contains nothing new; all that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries. The intent is to remind us about what we already know—about how we humans were meant to relate to one another—and to assist us in living in a way that concretely manifests this knowledge.
NVC guides us in reframing how we express ourselves and hear others. Instead of being habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based firmly on an awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling, and wanting. We are led to express ourselves with honesty and clarity, while simultaneously paying others a respectful and empathic attention. In any exchange, we come to hear our own deeper needs and those of others. NVC trains us to observe carefully, and to be able to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us. We learn to identify and clearly articulate what we are concretely wanting in a given situation. The form is simple, yet powerfully transformative.”
Marshall Rosenberg has spent his life trying to answer these two questions:
What happens to disconnect us from our compassionate nature, leading us to behave violently and exploitatively?
And conversely, what allows some people to stay connected to their compassionate nature under even the most trying circumstances?
I (Laura) found Chapter 6 particularly interesting, where he skillfully delves into the difference between “asking” and “demanding”. He says that when we ask we know and accept beforehand that the other has the right to say “no”. When we demand, we tell the other person that something, possibly originated by us, will happen if they don’t do what we want.
He considers that if we aim at a smooth communication process, when we are going to ask for something a very good idea is to go inside first and check if in our internal dialogue we have,for example, something of the following:
He should .....(leave everything cleaner).
I deserve... (a pay rise).
I have the right... (to more time to rest).
When our needs are formulated in this way, if the others don’t do what we expect them to do in the way we expect them to do it, we tend to start to judge them negatively. This is a very clear indication that we have not formulated a request, but a strong demand. The way we express and share our needs will have a strong influence on the sort of response we will get from the other person. Consequently, he advises us to pay attention to the way we word our requests, the tone of voice we use, and the respect towards the decision of the other person to say “yes” or “no”.
Another interesting point he makes in Chapter 10 is about the source of anger. He considers that when we get angry it is never because of the situation or the person we claim has made us so angry. The situation or someone else’s behaviour can stimulate the anger, but not cause it. The only two things, according to the author, that cause anger or even rage are our own beliefs about how other people should behave and our internal judgements of those behaviours.
The great danger of unresolved anger is that the angry or enraged person tends to blame the person he is angry with, and in many cases, punish them in different ways: psychological or even physical aggression. A totally unfair situation that leads to so much war, violence and unhappiness in the world.
He adds that a form of communication which alienates us is, precisely, when we judge other people “morally”. We presuppose a wrong attitude from the other person when his behaviour does not agree, at least apparently, with our own personal values. The great problem arises when we start to judge people and situations from a very limited point of view. Sometimes with lack of information or even wrong information.
Another superb chapter is number 3, in which he describes the importance of observing what is happening without evaluating from our own set of beliefs and values. When we confuse both concepts, our comments may lead other people to feel we are critisising them, therefore, they will tend to resist us or what we are telling them. It is not the same to say: “Hank has not scored any goals”, which would be a comment derived from observation, than to say, “He plays badly” or “He is a bad football player”, which would represent an act of judgement.
The philosophy and ideas in this book can be used to improve communication in:
intimate relationships
families
schools
organizations and institutions
therapy and counseling
diplomatic and business negotiations
disputes and conflicts of any nature.
I strongly recommend it to all those RTNews readers and RT students who want to “clean the communication space” in their work environments, at home or any other groups of people they operate in. The insights they will get as they read it will surely make their lives and the lives of those around them a much more pleasant experience. A book not only to be read....but shared and put into practice.
For further information about NVC, visit
http://www.cnvargentina.com.ar/
LauraSzmuch
How do we communicate?
One of the basic and first things NLP students learn is how to improve communication skills. For us, teachers, this is a topic of great importance as our jobs depend mainly on the level of rapport we can establish with our students (and their parents!).
In Module 1 of the Practitioner Certificate participants learn, among other things,
• Ways to improve non-verbal communication
• Ways to open their senses to be more perceptive to what other people are communicating non-verbally and non-consciously
• Ways to become aware of what we are saying with our whole being, not only with words
• The expressive aspect, the relational aspect ,the appealing aspect of messages
• The role of intonation, voice and silence
• Posture, movement and proxemics (optimal distance and personal space)
We also explore the basic presuppositions of NLP and the origin and history of NLP. We “visit “ our brains to see how they work and the importance of brain friendly techniques in the classroom. We also do very practical activities to learn how to establish rapport with both smail and big groups.
Why do we insist so much on Body Language?
Because....
We always use body language!
Looking at someone for example means something completely different than not looking at someone. Even our very presence conveys a message. In our contact with other people it is impossible not to communicate. Several investigators estimate that a great part of the communication between people takes place through body language and tone of voice. The best known theory is that of the American psychologist Mehrabian.
Another point to take into account when we communicate with others is how we listen to them. Do we just hear what they say or are we there with them, present in body, mind and soul to listen attentively what they are telling us?
"I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen."
Ernest Hemingway
Most communication problems start because at least one of the people involved in the communication exchange is not actively listening to the other. By listening, we dont only mean listening to the words...we are also referring to all the non-verbal aspects of communication.
What happens to many people is that instead of focussing on the other person’s message they are planning in their head what they are going to say next...and they drift away in thought. Sadly, this leaves the communication exchange with two people speaking about something, but not really relating with each other.
Listening with all your being is a valuable communication skill. Simply remember a time when you felt that a person wasn't really listening to you, to understand the importance of listening.
If you want to improve your professional and personal communication, a very clever idea is to learn ways to do it efficiently and in a positive manner. You will notice a great change in the way you relate with colleagues, students, parents and people in general.
Laura Szmuch
In Module 1 of the Practitioner Certificate participants learn, among other things,
• Ways to improve non-verbal communication
• Ways to open their senses to be more perceptive to what other people are communicating non-verbally and non-consciously
• Ways to become aware of what we are saying with our whole being, not only with words
• The expressive aspect, the relational aspect ,the appealing aspect of messages
• The role of intonation, voice and silence
• Posture, movement and proxemics (optimal distance and personal space)
We also explore the basic presuppositions of NLP and the origin and history of NLP. We “visit “ our brains to see how they work and the importance of brain friendly techniques in the classroom. We also do very practical activities to learn how to establish rapport with both smail and big groups.
Why do we insist so much on Body Language?
Because....
We always use body language!
Looking at someone for example means something completely different than not looking at someone. Even our very presence conveys a message. In our contact with other people it is impossible not to communicate. Several investigators estimate that a great part of the communication between people takes place through body language and tone of voice. The best known theory is that of the American psychologist Mehrabian.
Another point to take into account when we communicate with others is how we listen to them. Do we just hear what they say or are we there with them, present in body, mind and soul to listen attentively what they are telling us?
"I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen."
Ernest Hemingway
Most communication problems start because at least one of the people involved in the communication exchange is not actively listening to the other. By listening, we dont only mean listening to the words...we are also referring to all the non-verbal aspects of communication.
What happens to many people is that instead of focussing on the other person’s message they are planning in their head what they are going to say next...and they drift away in thought. Sadly, this leaves the communication exchange with two people speaking about something, but not really relating with each other.
Listening with all your being is a valuable communication skill. Simply remember a time when you felt that a person wasn't really listening to you, to understand the importance of listening.
If you want to improve your professional and personal communication, a very clever idea is to learn ways to do it efficiently and in a positive manner. You will notice a great change in the way you relate with colleagues, students, parents and people in general.
Laura Szmuch
2/28/2009
A Spa for your Soul
A Spa for your Soul
http://www.lauraszmuch.com.ar/
When do I have time to think about my soul?
Well, I guess it is not a question of thinking, it is a question of priorities in life. I am not speaking about becoming mystics. I am referring to an awareness in life, that makes it worthy to be lived. We human beings pay lip service to a lot of things that "should" be done, leaving them for later, when we have more time, when we finish the course, when our kids grow up, when I retire, when, when, when, when…..
When do I have time to think about my soul?
Well, I guess it is not a question of thinking, it is a question of priorities in life. I am not speaking about becoming mystics. I am referring to an awareness in life, that makes it worthy to be lived. We human beings pay lip service to a lot of things that "should" be done, leaving them for later, when we have more time, when we finish the course, when our kids grow up, when I retire, when, when, when, when…..
What we need is an awareness that life is what is happening N OW, that we can't keep postponing the possibility of a more mindful, joyful and soulful experience.
We are not working machines. Our jobs are not merely a question of doing a few (or a lot of) tasks. Well, we can choose to do what we do automatically, or we can decide to be someone who can give a lot generously, because we know how to replenish ourselves easily through a permanent connection with who we really are, our passions, our ideals, our mission in life, our vision of a better world that can only be achieved with committed people who see beyond the material aspects of their jobs. I am not saying the concrete tangible things in life are not important: quite the contrary. What I am saying is that we need to see beyond them, and use them from the internal conviction that ours is a blessed profession, whatever we do. We have a great responsibility, which is a gift. We all have a treasure inside waiting to be discovered, polished and put to use. We all need the courage to be who we are meant to be.
I warmly invite you to care of yourself:
Pay attention to your body:
pamper it with nutritious and healthy food, a good massage, physical activity, sunlight, stretching, water. Look after your hair and your skin. Enjoy your body!!
Pay attention to your mind:
make sure you relax, avoid useless thoughts, think positively, make plans for the new year, organise your time intelligently.
Pay attention to your soul:
nurture it with uplifting reading material, meditate, go to beautiful natural settings, fill yourself with love and light, listen to beautiful music.......
Notice how, just by organising your timetable more efficiently, you can live a life with relaxed and fulfilling awareness everyday........all (or most of...)the time. Notice how by being peaceful inside yourself you can create harmonious relationships at home, with friends, with colleagues, with neighbours, with everybody!!!
Laura Szmuch
2/03/2009
Love Quiz
Love Quiz
by Dr Leo Buscaglia
Asking yourself questions and answering them honestly is a good path to self-knowledge.
Is anyone a little happier because I came along today?
Did I leave any concrete evidence of my kindness, any sign of my love?
Did I try to think of someone I know in a more positive light?
Did I help someone to feel joy, to laugh, or at least, to smile?
Have I attempted to remove a little of the rust that is corroding my relationships?
Have I gone through the day without fretting over what I don't have and celebrating the things I do have?
Have I forgiven others for being less than perfect?
Have I forgiven myself?
Have I learned something new about life, living or love?
If you are not satisfied with your answers, take heart. Tomorrow you get to start all over again! If you will it, this is one quiz you can never fail.
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